“What on earth is Asterix playing at?” Marketrix thinks as he peruses the list of village service providers. “Not only can we get the village moved and have money left over to upgrade the market, but we can get it done now rather than waiting for another 2 years. I don’t care if it’s not perfect, we need the new village before the forthcoming trade festival or it’s going to be pretty lean winter.”

Marketrix decides to pay Acquix’s modest costs from his small trade promotion budget.

The village move goes smoothly this time and the new village is much better than the old village. Before long the village market is busier than ever before and Marketrix notices that the traveling merchants seem to be staying around longer and buying more goods. Within a few years the lives of the villagers have been transformed. They are able to work together so much more effectively in the new village that the quality and value of their products increases. The reputation of their village spreads and bring merchants from unheard of places to sample their wares and find out how they’ve been so successful.

Even Asterix is forced to agree that getting help from Acquix turned out fantastically and he avidly spends his time helping to boost trade by donating his experience via the villages free electronic notice board. Marketrix eventually leaves the village to make his fortune providing advice to other villages looking to escape the flood.

I’m Drupalix

“Screw you”, said Asterix, bemused. “I’ve got all these nice people offering to help me for free. Get out of here before I kick you in the nuts, you greedy bastard.”

So Acquix vanished. Sadly, the village move didn’t go as planned. Chief Vitalstatistix demanded heads. “Who is responsible for this”, he screamed. “I want a head on a stake”. But when they looked around, Drupalix had vanished.

Jon – really excellent post, as evidenced by enthusiastic responses – great way of telling old story in fresh way, should do more of it, apart from inevitable issues with the estates of Goscinny and Uderzo… Then again, easily enough avoided, probably. I feel a new persona coming on…

So, I think the people in the village are eventually forced to abandon their familiar surroundings by the rising tide and they set off for higher ground.

After a long, arduous yet exciting journey they come to the top of a hill and look down into a large and fertile valley filled with thousands upon thousands of villages as far as the eye can see. Some of villagers come up to greet them with gifts and offer to carry their luggage.

They meet a village elder, Drupalix who explains that the people in this valley have made an amazing discovery. They have discovered a way to build villages and give them away for free. Asterix and the other villagers are incredulous and not a little suspicious. How can this be possible ?

Asterix looks around the brand new village that they have been offered for free. It has all sorts of amazing buildings and features. Everything that Asterix had ever dreamed of and more. Drupalix explained that new buildings get added automatically all the time. Drupalix also explained that not everything would be free. The electricity still had to be paid for and sometimes you needed a plumber or a carpenter.

Drupalix handed Asterix an Android SmartPhone and said that he had to be off now, but this little device would answer all his questions. As Drupalix headed back to his hut he added that they have any problems,to ask any of the others villagers – everybody is very friendly and willing help

“No I don’t think so – I reckon once they’ve figured it all out they’ll sell both their town and this village to the Romans – they live in a different world altogether with their constant empire building. Mark my words, their empire will get bigger and bigger, the people will rise up in desperation and frustration – then it will fall apart around their ears. Empires full of monoliths always do… eventually”

Walking through the market he chanced upon Pragmatix who had already noticed how miserable Asterix looked. “Looks like you’ve been talking to Gantchartrix” says Pragmatix with an annoying twinkle in his eye. “Yes” says Asterix “It’s not good news – as you know, Overcomplix has created something that only he really understands and he’s run out of ideas about what to do next. The waters of the Opensourceous are rising fast and threatening to swamp us. Gantchartrix has a plan to relocate the village that is pure fantasy. We’ve been bringing in talented developers to try to help out too but they can only build things that float around the edges of the village – they work up to a point but don’t solve the main issues. They come, they try, they go. We’re not really any further forward and things are becoming desperate”

Pragmatix look skyward and thought for a moment. “There is one thing I can think of trying” “What’s that?” said Asterix eagerly. “Try to sell the village!”

“That’s a ridiculous idea” said Asterix, feeling even more dejected at the stupidity around him. “Who is going to buy a village that’s being swamped by the Opensourceous and slowly drowning us?”

“Well” replied Pragmatix, “You know that town up the coast from us, it’s a bit further above sea level than our village and has some better coastal defences. The bigwigs that run it live in these strange ivory towers and are a bit detached from the reality around them. I reckon they’d buy this village”

Asterix looked at Pragmatix with even more disbelief. “What in Gaul’s name would make them want to buy this village?” Pragmatix looked back with a smile growing across his smug face “I know two of our people who could make them want to buy it – Upto_oldtrix and Dynamix – together they could sell sand to the Egyptians”

“What we’d have to do is put up a bit of a façade, you know, make things look a lot bigger and better than they really are. We can turn issues into features and Upto_oldtrix can do his usual ‘smoke and mirrors’ presentations that will wow them. Dynamix will be so tenanacious that they won’t dare to walk away without making a deal. By the time they see behind the façade we’ll be lying on that beach on that nice part of the coast earning 20%”

Asterix started to look happier “You’re an evil bastard Pragmatix but I think you could be on to something I’m just a bit concerned that they’ll come after us when they’ve realised what they’ve bought”

“No I don’t think so – I reckon once they’ve figured it all out they’ll sell both their town and this village to the Romans – they live in a different world altogether with their empire building. Mark my words, their empire will get bigger and bigger, the people will rise up and then it will fall apart around their ears!”

“hmmm – want a coffee”

“Yep – go on then”