April 2011
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Epic Fail Epics

My mind weaves a symphony
And tapestry of rhyme
- IF DOGS RUN FREE

I want to write a poetry book, and I want y’all to write it for me (*). It’s going to be a poetry book documenting epic tech fails in history. So we’ve got lots of material from the last few days, and quite a bit more from the year. More than happy to have multiple poems per incident.

What we need for each poem is:

  • The poem, of course. Any form allowed – haiku, limerick, sonnet, childrens, rambling prose
  • A brief, two sentence description of the epic fail event
  • The date of the epic fail event
  • An illustration or two, handdrawn. It can, of course, by crap. Lots of colours would be nice.

Submissions in the comments. If you email/tweet me the images I’ll add them. And I’ll add one or two or my own creations as soon as I can pop open a beer. Entries close on Friday 6th May.

(*) By entering the competition you give up all rights to your masterpiece. The editor’s decision on what to publish is final.

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19 comments to Epic Fail Epics

  • Peter

    Do we have to limit ourselves to just the last 4 months?

  • Sony Playstation.

    There once was a corporation named Sony,
    Whose customer data storage plan was phony,
    Some thieves, one day,
    Took them all away,
    And for that an #epicfail award is worthy.

  • Peter

    Also, is it fair to say that authors will be credited, even if you get to keep the ill-gotten gains of this endeavour??

  • Peter

    iPhone Alarm Problem – http://www.appstudio.co.il/blog/2011/01/02/first-technology-fail-of-2011/

    Steve Jobs had a fancy new phone,
    Apple made it all on their own,
    Come twenty eleven,
    Oh! Alarmogeddon!
    It became a reminder free zone!

  • I wandered lonely as a cloud…

    Someone fill in the rest, I’m in the bath ;-) #EC2

  • Peter

    Damian’s photoshop skillz are quite good
    But with other tech he’s kind of a n00b,
    He sits in the tub,
    Unable to scrub,
    Let alone rhyme for McBoof’s new book.

    • Greetings from California! I’m bored to tears at work so I decided to check out your wetsibe on my iphone during lunch break. I love the information you provide here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m amazed at how fast your blog loaded on my mobile .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, very good site!

  • Event: Amazon US-EAST region dies
    Date: 21st April 2011
    Status: I don’t like the first three versus, and the second last needs tweaking. Anything else?
    ‘Twas the night after Skynet

    ‘Twas the night after Skynet
    when all through the house
    not a harddrive was whirring,
    no click of a mouse

    BANG! Suddenly, Amazon’s
    hashtag was trending,
    our faith in the Cloud
    appeared to be ending

    The US East Region
    turned runny-shit brown
    Taking half of our lovely
    Interwebs down

    No Foursquare for checkins,
    no Quora for questions,
    no Reddit for answers,
    no RightScale suggestions

    No Hootsuite for tweeting
    no GroupMe for chats,
    no Heroku for hosting
    cute pictures of cats.

    Cry legions of doubters
    Each one quite a whinger:
    “The cloud’s just a building
    in Northern Virginia.”

    “Elastic Block Storage
    we strongly condemn.
    You’re much better off
    with your servers on-prem”

    “We don’t lose our email,
    We’re quick to react.
    Our PlayStation Networks
    never get hacked”.

    But ignore them, don’t panic,
    we’re learning, don’t frown.
    We’ve built better ships
    Since Titanic went down.

    So yes, Cloud ain’t perfect –
    we won’t get complacent
    But it’s better than those IT knobs
    In your basement.

  • David Friar

    held firm in left hand
    skin touches my antenna
    I am not a phone

  • David Friar

    Yes… I didn’t think it was that obscure :-)

  • K4thybrown

    Not very topical but…

    A mum stood in the checkout queue
    Her heart was all a-flutter
    Her trolley rammed with cans of beans
    and jars of peanut butter.

    “Oh woe is me and all mankind
    whose fate has fallen prey
    to bits and bytes and hexed us with
    The curse of Y2K!”

    But time passed by and in due course
    The memory did pale.
    The beans got ate. The bug? Hot air!
    A tale of #fail of #fail.

    This is autobiographical. I actually had a cupboard full of tins of beans and tuna in our garage in December 1999.

  • DIGG and Amazon

    There was a startup name Quora
    all he wanted was to know ya
    then came a dark cloud to the net
    making his dream fail with a clutter of faith.
    Now clouds get scanned for bombs
    And life in the net just goes on

    FAA computer shutdown.

    One summer day planes were delayed.
    The FAA has stopped to pay
    Electric company shut right away.

  • Mike Lowndes

    The most epic fails occur
    behind closed
    corporate doors

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