Epic Fail Epics
My mind weaves a symphony
And tapestry of rhyme
- IF DOGS RUN FREE
I want to write a poetry book, and I want y’all to write it for me (*). It’s going to be a poetry book documenting epic tech fails in history. So we’ve got lots of material from the last few days, and quite a bit more from the year. More than happy to have multiple poems per incident.
What we need for each poem is:
- The poem, of course. Any form allowed – haiku, limerick, sonnet, childrens, rambling prose
- A brief, two sentence description of the epic fail event
- The date of the epic fail event
- An illustration or two, handdrawn. It can, of course, by crap. Lots of colours would be nice.
Submissions in the comments. If you email/tweet me the images I’ll add them. And I’ll add one or two or my own creations as soon as I can pop open a beer. Entries close on Friday 6th May.
(*) By entering the competition you give up all rights to your masterpiece. The editor’s decision on what to publish is final.
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Do we have to limit ourselves to just the last 4 months?
Naah, screw it. Go back as far as you’d like! Rules updated.
Sony Playstation.
There once was a corporation named Sony,
Whose customer data storage plan was phony,
Some thieves, one day,
Took them all away,
And for that an #epicfail award is worthy.
Also, is it fair to say that authors will be credited, even if you get to keep the ill-gotten gains of this endeavour??
But of course. And the price of the book is going be to exactly $0.00 (or £0.00 in the UK). I am quite keen to make an iPad/iPhone app out of it too, purely because #pugpig is good at that
iPhone Alarm Problem – http://www.appstudio.co.il/blog/2011/01/02/first-technology-fail-of-2011/
Steve Jobs had a fancy new phone,
Apple made it all on their own,
Come twenty eleven,
Oh! Alarmogeddon!
It became a reminder free zone!
Love the word ‘Alarmogeddon’. I think the last line needs to lose a syllable somewhere though.
I wandered lonely as a cloud…
Someone fill in the rest, I’m in the bath
#EC2
Damian’s photoshop skillz are quite good
But with other tech he’s kind of a n00b,
He sits in the tub,
Unable to scrub,
Let alone rhyme for McBoof’s new book.
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Event: Amazon US-EAST region dies
Date: 21st April 2011
Status: I don’t like the first three versus, and the second last needs tweaking. Anything else?
‘Twas the night after Skynet
‘Twas the night after Skynet
when all through the house
not a harddrive was whirring,
no click of a mouse
BANG! Suddenly, Amazon’s
hashtag was trending,
our faith in the Cloud
appeared to be ending
The US East Region
turned runny-shit brown
Taking half of our lovely
Interwebs down
No Foursquare for checkins,
no Quora for questions,
no Reddit for answers,
no RightScale suggestions
No Hootsuite for tweeting
no GroupMe for chats,
no Heroku for hosting
cute pictures of cats.
Cry legions of doubters
Each one quite a whinger:
“The cloud’s just a building
in Northern Virginia.”
“Elastic Block Storage
we strongly condemn.
You’re much better off
with your servers on-prem”
“We don’t lose our email,
We’re quick to react.
Our PlayStation Networks
never get hacked”.
But ignore them, don’t panic,
we’re learning, don’t frown.
We’ve built better ships
Since Titanic went down.
So yes, Cloud ain’t perfect –
we won’t get complacent
But it’s better than those IT knobs
In your basement.
held firm in left hand
skin touches my antenna
I am not a phone
Nice! I presume this is the iPhone 4 reception saga? Or some other #epicfail?
Yes… I didn’t think it was that obscure
Not very topical but…
A mum stood in the checkout queue
Her heart was all a-flutter
Her trolley rammed with cans of beans
and jars of peanut butter.
“Oh woe is me and all mankind
whose fate has fallen prey
to bits and bytes and hexed us with
The curse of Y2K!”
But time passed by and in due course
The memory did pale.
The beans got ate. The bug? Hot air!
A tale of #fail of #fail.
This is autobiographical. I actually had a cupboard full of tins of beans and tuna in our garage in December 1999.
DIGG and Amazon
There was a startup name Quora
all he wanted was to know ya
then came a dark cloud to the net
making his dream fail with a clutter of faith.
Now clouds get scanned for bombs
And life in the net just goes on
FAA computer shutdown.
One summer day planes were delayed.
The FAA has stopped to pay
Electric company shut right away.
The most epic fails occur
behind closed
corporate doors
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