May 2010
« Apr   Jun »

GoDaddy, GoDaddy, you bastards, I’m through

Your daddy walks in wearin’
A Napoleon Bonaparte mask
Then you ask why I don’t live here
Honey, do you have to ask?

It was only a matter of time. It seems some hacker group wanted to take down my site. Probably a Chinese military faction, a bunch of Free Content Tree Hugging Hippies, or someone I whipped in some youth chess tournament. Naturally, I was prepared for this shit so ensured my site was running the latest everything, and was more secure than Fort Knox – safe from ground attacks or air assaults.

But, it turns out, not safe from burrowing from below. These sneaky hackers realised my site was rock solid, so they took out the whole of GoDaddy instead. My blog was injected with evil PHP script which redirected my legions of adoring fans to malware pages. Apologies to the thousands of other bloggers on GoDaddy who were innocent victims of this malicious, round-about attack on Jon On Tech.

Fortunately, GoDaddy accepted complete responsibility for the situation, and their tech support really understood the problem and helped people quickly and effectively. NOT. Actually, they continually blamed non-patched software and their tech support people wouldn’t know they were being penetrated until the poker came out of one of their eye sockets. I hate those guys.

I’ve done some temporary fix (which you can find here) that goes through all the files on your system and removes the evil PHP. However, it’s only temporary. Me, and thousands of others, are completely at the mercy of the script-kiddies that currently can do pretty much anything to the GoDaddy servers. I might already be part of a BotNet. It seems to be some Linux Shared Hosts problem that is affecting other hosting companies too. If one account on the host is compromised, all the accounts are toast. So the Jon on Tech ship is floating, but leaky. Not to mention as slow and flaky as always. So why do I still live on GoDaddy? Cause I haven’t had time to get the fuck off it yet. But I plan to.

Here is what my home page looked like while fixing the problem. I stole the image from Google. Seems other people have the same sentiments as I do.

Thanks to @roekens who alerted me to the problem. It’s probably only him and my mother that read my blog, and Mommy dearest wouldn’t know Malware from Tupperware. As usual, I started this post with a Bob Dylan lyric. But let me end with the last stanza from a poem by the great (if slightly unbalanced) Sylvia Plath which sums up my #GoDaddy feelings nicely right now:

There’s a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagers never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I’m through

P.S. Please let me know if anything dodgy happens again, like you get redirected to some pr0n or anti-virus rubbish. However, don’t be alarmed if the site is slow or times out. That’s just GoDaddy’s usual service.

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